Dennis comes round sometimes.
He arrives the way Dennis arrives — with purpose and velocity and usually something in his hands that he found in a skip and wants to show me immediately.
I like this about him. I also find it extremely challenging. Both things are true.
The thing is. When Dennis comes round, I hide Barbie.
She goes behind the left cushion. Quickly. Before he gets to the door. I've got it down to about four seconds now. I say sorry after. But... I still hide her.
I know how this sounds.
I know.
But.
Dennis is my friend and I know exactly who he is and I would not swap him for anything and he has never once in his life made me feel stupid for anything I do. It's not about that. It's not... him.
And I still hide her.
Because there's a voice. Not his. Not anyone in particular. Just a voice that has been there for a long time that says: dolls are for girls. Stop being mard. That's not a thing a gremlin does.
And I know the voice is wrong.
I know that now.
I talked to Emmet.
I know what the brush is.
But knowing a thing and being ready to say it out loud to Dennis, who moves very fast and talks very loud and loves me and has no idea the cushion is doing a job — those are different things.
So she goes behind the cushion.
And Dennis comes in.
And we have a completely normal visit.
And when he leaves I put her back.
And brush her hair.
'I'm working on it,' I tell her. I say I'm sorry when she gets squished.
She keeps the secret.
She always does.